From author and researcher Victor Yocco at thefix comes an excellent article on setting boundaries, something that few, if any, addicts tend to really have much of a grasp on.
People with addiction issues are not used to setting boundaries, especially when those boundaries involve behaviors we have reinforced for years.
I spent years violating boundaries as a drunk. Particularly when it came to relationships. Piss me off and I’d become belligerent. Let me drink all night and I’d throw up on your carpet. Invite me to a party and I’ll embarrass you in front of your friends. Weddings? Absolutely! Sign me up as the drunkest attendee. For drunks, the people who let us violate their boundaries are the ones we come back to over and over again.
Ah… but sobriety really turns things upside down… or rightside up, I guess is the case. Yocco does a solid job of presenting his own decisions in going sober, and boundary-setting issues with the girlfriend who became his wife.
Good article with some solid insights. And it ends well. So got check it out.
This is where it all begins to end for so many of us. It’s certainly the case with storm in a wine glass. And while we don’t all weigh in with the same numbers, the scars are still the same. The scars heal, of course, if we lean into recovery as our intention. But they do remain. Just sayin’.
Go read the whole thing from storm in a wine glass. Promptly, please.
— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 59
Every day I stand at turning points. My thoughts and actions can propel me toward growth or turn me down the road to old habits and to booze. Sometimes turning points are beginnings, as when I decide to start praising, instead of condemning someone. Or when I begin to ask for help instead of going it alone. At other times turning points are endings, such as when I see clearly the need to stop festering resentments or crippling self-seeking. Many shortcomings tempt me daily; therefore, I also have daily opportunities to become aware of them. In one form or another, many of my character defects appear daily: self-condemnation, anger, running away, being prideful, wanting to get even, or acting out of grandiosity.
Attempting half measures to eliminate these defects merely paralyzes my efforts to change. It is only when I ask God for help, with complete abandon, that I become willing—and able—to change.
From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.