From functioningguzzler (one word), one of my favorite bloggers in this messed up world we all share, comes a heartfelt, no-holds-barred glimpse into settling for life one day at a time.
Previously I would of got myself drunk in an attempt to numb it out but then would of had to also go through the period of oh poor little me until I would reach the point that I would be able to pass out and just not think at all. Now I can be sad and not complicate it further by drinking and feeling like crap on top of feeling sad.
See what I mean? Those two sentences in the same ‘graph are enough for a lot of people I know to quit drinking. Right. Now.
But go read it. Won’t take but a couple of minutes… unless you do what I did and camp out on the closing ‘graph for a while.
Via Anna at Storm in a Wine Glass comes one of life’s hair-shirt adventures most — if not all — of us have lived through at least once. This one was played out by her “normal teenager” son Bambino. It’s fair to say that, for Anna, the dèjá vu was pretty freaking overwhelming:
I was once a teenager too. I knew this was coming. I was roughly Bambino’s age the first time I chugged vodka from a bottle a friend and I had nicked from her parents (and later filled up with water). So it’s not like I was going around thinking Bambino is some little angel who will only taste alcohol once he is of legal age. Hah! That’s a lie. I didn’t see this coming. I did and I didn’t. I think I just didn’t see it happening this way, so brazenly and violently right in front of me. I feel so stupid I can’t even begin to tell you. But I can tell you how my heart was breaking when I last night checked in on Bambino before bedtime and tried to ask him if he’d felt like he couldn’t stop once he started. It was a stupid thing to ask and I don’t know what answer I expected. I got all this so very wrong.
Although Joy and I have three dogs and no kids, I feel it’s insightful of me to add that I used to be a kid and, like most of the folks around me the last 8½ years, I got my alcohol-based training wheels off at an early age due to family environment. No wonder Anna’s concerned, to say the very least.
Read the whole thing. She does a terrific job of parsing out her heart on the situation and weighing truth against her beliefs.
— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 181
As a recovered alcoholic I must make an effort to put into practice the principles of the A.A. program, which are founded on honesty, truth and humility. While I was drinking I was constantly trying to be in the limelight. Now that I am conscious of my mistakes and of my former lack of integrity, it would not be honest to seek prestige, even for the justifiable purpose of promoting the A.A. message of recovery. Is the publicity that centers around the A.A. Fellowship and the miracles it produces not worth much more? Why not let the people around us appreciate by themselves the changes that A.A. has brought in us, for that will be a far better recommendation for the Fellowship than any I could make.
From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.