Daily Archives: January 20, 2018

the question that begs for an answer

YariGarciaYA at Living Free of Alcohol brings up a pretty tough question many of us have likely asked ourselves in the mirror at some point:

Is drunk you the REAL you?

I’ve said and done some pretty horrible stuff while drunk.
I think we all have at some point.
After a particularly bad episode, the people around us may wonder:
Is what she/he said and did the REAL them?  Is this how they truly feel?

Don’t give up. Strong reading for a great source of encouragement.

an honest glimpse of self-hatred

From feelingmywaybackintolife comes this refreshingly candid post on the root of her own addiction, twice removed from alcohol:

I do not want to accept I hate myself. I prefer to deny it so I can experience it less. But the shadow walking next to me has become too strong. Even now my heart is pounding like crazy and tears are streaming. Thinking of you reading this. Feeling like you would all be saying: “I knew she was not worth it. Being all stuck up and know it all, ha! Now, look at how miserable she really is.”

. . . 

A woman who loves herself would possibly show compassion. I also think she would help the little kid to learn boundaries and self-preservation. My mother did not allow me boundaries when it came to self-preservation. Literally not. That time where she said she would protect me from the friends of my brother and then forced me to undress in front of them. And later, when I asked her for help when they attacked me again, with the special words we had worked out between the two of us, she brushed me off, telling me not to bother her. How do I live with that? I feel very destructive currently. No wonder I think people ridicule me when I ask for help. That has been the real experience. And it has all settled as patterns in my behaviour. And, like my mom, I learned to take the only way left out: becoming ill, becoming soft, weak, depressed, overworked and alcoholic. Patterns.

At once agonizing and revealing, this read is a thoughtful study of the honest pain in the healing journey. Read the whole thing. Please.

daily reflection: “we pause . . . and ask”

As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 87

Today I humbly ask my Higher Power for the grace to find the space between my impulse and my action; to let flow a cooling breeze when I would respond with heat; to interrupt fierceness with gentle peace; to accept the moment which allows judgment to become discernment; to defer to silence when my tongue would rush to attack or defend.I promise to watch for every opportunity to turn toward my Higher Power for guidance. I know where this power is: it resides within me, as clear as a mountain brook, hidden in the hills—it is the unsuspected Inner Resource.I thank my Higher Power for this world of light and truth I see when I allow it to direct my vision. I trust it today and hope it trusts me to make all effort to find the right thought or action today.