Thoughtful post on Parker Palmer’s “Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation” in which Heather Kopp touches on some self-revelatory points that hit home for me in a very unexpected way. Of course, Palmer’s highly engaging book is not official AA literature, so you’re not reading about it here. 🙂
Reality check by the numbers from Dangling on the edge.
Un-frickin’ believable. It’s been almost a month since my last post. I’ve not gone that long without writing since I started this blog! Craziness. It’s not like things are all good and I’m cured or anything. I have the “fuck its” all the damn time but remind myself of all the reasons I don’t want follow through. It seems to work since I still haven’t had a drink. My reasons, you ask? You hoping for a good reason for yourself? Wish I had the magic word to dispel the desire, but alas, I do not. My reasons are the same as everyone else’s and the same as they’ve always been:
1) The momentary “numb” may be great, but I don’t want to wake up feeling crappy. Maybe not hungover, but you know that feeling – headache-y, thirsty, tired
2) I have 400 days under my belt, do I really want…
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Chew on this for a minute:
Working the 12 Steps is a huge lunge down the path of self-discovery. Our supports in recovery can help us there, as can our relationship with our higher power. It doesn’t matter Who or What our H. P. may be. What’s important is that we recognize that we can’t do these things alone.
Now go read the whole thing from Bill at What…Me Sober? for the big picture.
Addicts and alcoholics don’t usually like new and unknown things, unless they’re new forms of acting out. We tend to view them with alarm, because they often interfere with our using. Thus, to addicts of all kinds, change equals bad news, until proven otherwise. We don’t like new ways of doing things, or new ways of relating to life and other people. We find the status quo comfortable; we know how to handle it. Even in the frequent cases where things aren’t going the way we’d like, at least they’re familiar. We hate feeling as though we’re out of control — of ourselves, other people, our lives, our ability to get our fix. We hate change, unless it brings some kind of thrill that we’re already anticipating. We want to get our lives just right, and then have them welded.
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I quit smoking when I got so drunk one New Year’s Eve I couldn’t hold a cigarette. The only thing I can add to this is I’m so glad our AA meetings are non-smoking.
“Our findings stress the importance of evaluating the influence of conditions/behaviors that often accompany alcohol use disorders, such as cigarette smoking, to better understand the factors that may hinder cognitive recovery during abstinence from alcohol,” said Durazzo. “The frequency of cigarette smoking is much higher in those with alcohol and substance use disorders compared to the general public. It is important to emphasize that cigarette smoking alone is associated with adverse effects on multiple areas of cognitive function, such as learning and memory and processing speed. And, just like alcohol use disorders, cigarette smoking and nicotine dependence are treatable conditions. We believe our findings strongly reinforce the growing clinical movement to offer a comprehensive smoking-cessation program to individuals seeking treatment for alcohol and substance use disorders.”
From one of my favorite bloggers comes this heads up for just about everyone who’s feeling a little casual about the recovery process:
I think this is just part of the process. I could be a bit depressed. It could be I’ve had several intense stressors and the last few days have been calming down, and I’m like…”What do I do now!?”
Oh, and read the comments, as well.
What an amazing way to begin the day. Thanks so much, primrose!
Notable quote: “I knew it on the first day when I went to bed, terrified and determined, on my first night without a drink and without any prospect of a drink in my future. because who else finds that terrifying, except an alcoholic?”
the word doesn’t matter.
the word doesn’t matter a bit. it’s just a word.
it’s just quicker than saying, “As my life is a million times better in every way if I don’t drink and I’m going to live for a hell of lot longer.” because that is a bit of a mouthful.
you can use the word about yourself, or not. whatever works for you. personally, I don’t describe myself as that to other people, whether in meetings, or conversation with acquaintances, or with people I love best in the world. I keep it as a quiet, certain, piece of knowledge in my own head. in the same way that I know I love my children and my husband. in the same way that I know that I can’t dance (though I do, anyway) but that I do make a damn good Victoria sponge. I know it about myself, now.
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