repost: happiness forgets

fitfatfood on the oddity of emotional highs and lows:

I’m writing this post because at moments during my drinking and depression I thought I’d never feel “normal.” That I’d been born this way. That there was a fundamental disparity between the bubbly, confident person I could sometimes be and the cowering soul that shook alone in bed, lurching through the depths of a hangover in despair.

FitFatFood- Blogging to Stay Sober

For me, drinking was often about maximising happiness. I’d get excited, and want to either temper or exaggerate that feeling. But the natural consequence of alcohol for me was that happy high was soon followed by a deep depression.

I cannot stress enough how my alcoholism is/was tied up in mood. I never understood this fully until I stopped. Alcohol did not adversely effect my behaviour. I didn’t get teary, fighty or particularly sad whilst drinking. But my mood in the days afterwards would plummet. I didn’t think I could have an alcohol problem if I didn’t behave badly. But I unequivocally do.

I saw doctors for depression, anxiety and an eating disorder, but never worked out the role alcohol played in this painful puzzle. I’d feel ok for a few days, then drink again and plunge back into desperation.

Now I’m sober, I haven’t ONCE felt those lows again…

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About greg w

I believe chocolate in virtually any configuration is the finest dessert in the history of mankind. I believe my wife is the sexiest woman in the world. I believe modern capitalism will never be replaced by a different -- or better -- form of economics. I believe in clutch hitting in baseball. I believe the Kimber 1911 .45 ACP is the finest handgun ever made in America. I believe the Mossberg Flex 500 pump-action 12 gauge shotgun is the best home defense ever made in America. I believe Tom Waits is the best songwriter of my generation. I believe unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. I believe in equality for everyone, except reporters and photographers. As CS Lewis once beautifully wrote, I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else. I believe that, on balance, Christianity has done more good for humans than bad. I believe it is better to tell the truth than a lie. I believe it is better to be free than to be a slave. I believe it is better to know than to be ignorant, With that being said, I believe there is a profound difference between knowledge and wisdom. I believe if I yell at the TV during a Colts game, they will play better. Finally, I believe I am in long-term recovery from a number of deep-seated issues that supported and drove my addictions.