Been there. Done that. Bought the t-shirt. Still wonder who I see when I look in the mirror every morning. But I’ve lost enough friends intentionally through drugs & alcohol that I’m sure beyond a doubt that’s not the way to go. Besides, it would be a huge imposition on those who would wonder why I simply didn’t have the courage to live or common sense to send up a flare. But this excellent post from functioningguzzler also tells me it doesn’t take much to regain our equilibrium if we are humble enough.
I’ve gotta be honest I do miss the numb buzz I used to get while I was drinking. I miss the way it could make me chill and forget about all the crazy shit my mind comes up with. So you understand I will explain a bit further some of the crazy thoughts I put myself through.
I have thought about it long and hard, since I have time now that I am not drinking, I have the lowest of low self esteem. I really care about other people and their feelings and always take time to listen to people and hear what they really are saying. But when it comes to myself I have this feeling of I couldn’t give a shit. While I was in a major low of my depression I understand how people could end it all when they get that low. Now in my mind…
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