re-post from sober courage: when the head and the heart don’t agree.

Ah, yes… Family dynamics from one who is there and deep in the healing process. A sober woman details the tensions of responding to the hospitalization of  her alcoholic ex.

My daughter’s father was my drinking buddy. We drank day and night and all the time. Our relationship was quite rocky as expected. To me, and in the midst of my alcoholic spiral downwards, he drank way more than I ever could, yet he rarely got obliterated. How do I know this? Well, because on numerous occasions I tried to drink like him and in the end he was [carrying] me home! When we went through the insanely painful custody battle over our daughter, I admitted to having an issue with alcohol but he denied that he did. We were both evaluated and the therapists could not clearly establish if he had a problem or not. But in the last year there was an increased number of times that he appeared drunk. Of course he denied it every time.

So, over the last several days I have all of a sudden become the contact person for my ex as calls came in from every direction. In my head I was just doing the right thing, and in my heart I was screaming out why the hell am I doing this… just to be told by my head, that oh, yeah, because it’s the right thing to do.


Just don’t forget to keep the boundary.

Of course, boundaries crumbled like Oreos in ice cream, but the author ended with both her head and heart beautifully intact, and still very much in recovery. Read the whole thing.