guy stuff.

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The following list on the benefits of being a guy has been kicking around for quite a while, but I thought it worth dredging up again. On a pretty regular basis, particularly after 26+ years of marriage to the same amazing woman, it occurs to me I have things awfully good most of the time. And while this post obviously won’t endear me to the ladies in the Sunday Morning Speaker’s Meeting, it’s worth noting I can hold my own on virtually any Led Zep song. Oh, and I’m sure the ladies have their own list, as well.

Read on:

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be president.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

You don’t give a rat’s behind if no one notices your new haircut.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station because “this one’s just too icky.”

Same work… more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding Dress $5000; Tux rental $100.

People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: “So, notice anything different?”

One mood, ALL the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

Dry cleaners and hair stylists don’t rob you blind.

You can leave the motel bed unmade.

You can kill your own food.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.

Everything on your face stays its original color.

You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger’s seat.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You don’t have to clean your apartment if the maid is coming.

You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: “He must be mad at me.”

You don’t mooch off other’s desserts.

You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.

If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.

You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.

You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

You almost never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

Your belly usually hides your big hips.

One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.

You can “do” your nails with a pocketknife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.

 

This entry was posted in funny bone on by .

About greg w

I believe chocolate in virtually any configuration is the finest dessert in the history of mankind. I believe my wife is the sexiest woman in the world. I believe modern capitalism will never be replaced by a different -- or better -- form of economics. I believe in clutch hitting in baseball. I believe the Kimber 1911 .45 ACP is the finest handgun ever made in America. I believe the Mossberg Flex 500 pump-action 12 gauge shotgun is the best home defense ever made in America. I believe Tom Waits is the best song writer of my generation. I believe unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. I believe in equality for everyone, except reporters and photographers. As CS Lewis once beautifully wrote, I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else. I believe that, on balance, Christianity has done more good for humans than bad. I believe it is better to tell the truth than a lie. I believe it is better to be free than to be a slave. I believe it is better to know than to be ignorant. And I believe if I yell at the TV during a Colts game, they will play better.

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