this is how i will feel if i drink.

Of course, none of us have ever had this little scenario running through our head, eh? Right. And oddly enough, it really doesn’t matter how many shiny little tokens we have on our bureau at home either. It’s all just bad poetry. All that really matters is getting back on the horse. Only this time we’re going to ride that bad boy. Really show him who’s boss. Right again.

And Everything Afterwards

It’ll start with the justifications. Even before I choose the bottle – a nice bottle, a treat, one of my favourites, because it’s been so long without – I’ll have a list of reasons in my head. Look how long it’s been without a drink, I don’t have a problem. Look at how surprised everyone was when I said I wasn’t drinking for a while. There weren’t any looks of relief, any knowing nods. It was all seriously? That seems extreme. Are you, you know, pregnant? And if I had a problem, obviously people wouldn’t be surprised, or they’d make a joke about never thinking I’d manage it. In fact, if it wasn’t so very normal to drink they wouldn’t be surprised either. Everyone drinks like me really.

And even if I do have a problem, well. Most people relapse at least once, it’s almost necessary. It doesn’t mean I…

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